Reflection on John 21:15-19

After Peter is given the opportunity to reaffirm his love for Jesus three times and Jesus commands him to shepherd the Church, Jesus tells him that that because of his love for Jesus “when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish to go…follow me.” What seemed to begin as a hasty and rather naive decision to “follow me, and I will make you fishers of men,” has now, just three short years later, resulted in Peter being given authority over the Church on earth. And he has made the decision, once again, to “follow me” with the knowledge that on this path he will sacrifice everything, endure countless hardships, and eventually be killed for his undying love of Jesus. It seems at this point that Jesus’ invitation to “follow me” may have been a little vague.

“Lucas, do you love me? Lucas, do you love me? Lucas, do you love me? ...Follow me.”

Reflecting back on my own conversion, I can see myself in Peter’s sandals. After encountering Jesus, I responded to His gracious invitation and told him that I too would follow Him. In reality, I thought I was just signing up to give up some of the major sin in my life, to spend some time in prayer, and to speak out on matters of faith and morals. When he asked me to at least be open to the priesthood and then asked me to serve him as a missionary, I should have seen the warning signs that Jesus was taking my initial “yes” a little more serious than I was. Here I thought Jesus just wanted to help me become a well-rounded person or to do some community service by leading a Bible study with some college guys. Little did I know that what He really wanted was me…all of me. He wants me to die for Him…because I love Him…because He loves me. It would be nice if he just wanted me to be a martyr – painful…but quick. I could do that, maybe, if I had to…maybe.
 
But since that doesn’t seem to be the case, it must mean that He wants me to die for Him every day…every single day…every single moment of every single day. It means that He wants me to choose Him over my favorite “little” sins that I somehow expect Him to overlook; it means that he wants me to choose Him over my “buddies” that wouldn’t understand if I had to tell them “I don’t ____ anymore…I love Jesus Christ”; it means that he wants me to choose Him over the world that tries to remind me “you’re a better ‘Christian’ than most of us” but forgets to mention that because Jesus doesn’t grade on a curve, better than average can still land you in hell if you don’t truly love Him; he wants me to choose Him over the devil…because that’s who is behind all of these attacks. And not only that, but He’s asking me to sacrifice my time, my money, my talents, my comforts, my reputation…my life, so that others might come to know, love, and worship Him too. And while I’d be tempted to say that Jesus is asking a lot, I know better now…I know that He’s really asking for everything…and it seems at this point that His invitation to “follow me” may have been a little vague…
 
Which makes me think Jesus may have been a little vague when He said, “you who have followed me…will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life” (Mt19:28-29).